Fly You Fools – Indian Comics about Life.
Following conversations are the ones I find slightly amusing when I look back on them now. A friend gave me the idea to write them all into a blog post.
To MJ:- I still have copyright :p
This incident happened yesterday I was troubleshooting some problem for my coal-league on phone..signal was low…so had to speak loud.. Went like
ME: Check the blue cable and its other end…where is it terminated?
How many ports..bla bla bla are u getting link?? bla bla bla
There was a girl nearby..listening to all this. As sooon as I stopped talking she turned to me
Girl: Are you an engine-ear?
Girl:Really?? In electronics?
Me:Yeah, sort of. A network engine-ear
Me: Working in a BSNL project
Girl:humm…tabhi yahaan mobile nahi chalte
Me: Main mobile mein nahi, broadband section mein hun.
Girl: Broadband kyaa??
Girl: yahaan internet kee speeed bhee barri kam hai
Girl: Can you tell me something..
Girl: agar maine ye check karnaa ho kee maine 2000 mein koun se site access kiye, to iske liye mujhe kyaa karnaa hogaa??
Me: [Mentally bangs head on the table] Aisa karna ummm possible nahin hai. You can check your internet history in your browser.. it depends on your settings.
Girl:noo..no.kyaa aap check kar sakte hain??
Me: bla bla
Girl: and ..and??
ME: Sighsss…launches into a lengthy explainashun
Girl: Geee..thats neat
Me: sure sure
Girl: am an scientist..i want to change the world i’ll make this city capital of India bla bla bla
Me:[[Tries to be polite..tries to not ignore..
after sometime tries to shut ears ]]
Girl: Bla bla bla bla bla bla
This conversahun isnt berry phunny…but still now it happpens that a frand of mine owns a 80GB hard-disk while I had to manage witha 40GB one. Went on for some time. Then I upgraded my PC..160GB hdd Bumped into him after sometime and topic turned to that
Me: Ab mere paas 64 bit processor, 1 GB RAM, 160 GB HDD, nVidia graphics card hai.
Tere paas kya hai??
Frand: Mere paas german shepherd doggy hai.
Karishma: oi, i donno two ppl who are postin currently in nkt, who’re they?
me: who 2? i dont know that guy with strange font either hes frand of shammo so is that girl anyways u didnt post
Karishma: i am postin honey i am hoe n distat echo
me: honey i am hoe—rotfl hes dhruv still rotfl
Karishma: home** sorry’s
me: < wait till i post this on nkot rolls lafing
This happened at a shop. There was a woman before me.
Woman: Bhaiya, 12 ande dena.
Shopkeeper: um…acha [wry face]
Woman: [[Embarassed]] [[Clears throat]]
Me: [[trying to hide my grin]]
After the dealing was over..
shopkeeper to me (woman is still there) –Jee bhai..aapko kya chahiye
Me: ummmm ande??
I had a particularly annoying “coversation” with a BSNL dude who happened to be a kashmiri. I came out fuming started my rant against the whole bloody race with my colleague who happens to be a kashmiri too.
Me: ^%%%* &^^ kashmiri *&*&^&%&^ (&*^%@ Inkee (*((*(*& pataa kuch hai nahin ore faltoo mein sawaal poochenge *&$#!
Kashmiri Colg. : Oye, main bhee kashmiri hoon
KC: umm..kuch nahin We came out of the exchange and bumped into our manager who just came out of a meeting with some more kashmiris who work for BSNL.
He is a kashmiri too.
KC: Sir, kyaa huaa?
Manager: ye **&@! kashmiri…!! 1 no. ke ^#@@ hain. akal hai hee nahin *&^% Ko.
An old relative talking to me. Went something like that After understanding that my work involves something to do with computers)
N: Can you repair computers??
N: Can you make computers too??
Me: uh, yes.
N: there was a guy. Lived in the next lane. Very intelligent, nice kind of person. He did engineering too and opened some shop. he sold and repaired computers
Me: (wondering–why is everyhing in past tense)
N: he died last week in some accidnet. it was so tragic
Me: uhh? oh yes. it is.
This dude is actually a good frand of mine . He calls me one day
Bh : Oye, ye bataa Tragedy Office kanhaa hai??
Me: Tragedy office ????
Bh: हाँ हाँ. तेरे घर के साथ तो है. *** बैंक की बिल्डिंग के साथ
Me : Tragedy office ???? ये कौन सा नया department खुल गया?
Bh: अबे साले.. वो लाल रंग की बिल्डिंग जो है.
Me: (Pause) ट्रेजेडी के spelling बोल
Bh:खोता.. वही जो होता है.
Me: तेरा मतलब Treasury office तो नहीं है ??
Bh: जो मर्जी हो तेरे area में ही है ना??
Me: साले , TRAGEDY नहीं, TREASURY है .
Bh: जो भी है मेरे यहाँ, सारे यही बोलते हैं.
Me: aah.. i see.
Read this banner some place couldnt help grinning like an idiot गोली लाठी चलायें गे राम सेतु बचाएं गे
A Sikh guy who happens to be my colleague: (pointing to my overgrown hair) ओये, इस घोंसले में कितनी चिडिया रहती हैं?? हें हें हें हेंहें हेंहें हेंहें हें
Me : Duhhh
Him: तेरे सिर के बालों की बात कर रहां हूँ. ये क्या घोंसला बना कर रखा है ? हें हें हें हें हें हें हें हें हें हें
Me: कमीने, तू अपने सिर पर एक पक्का मकान बनाकर रख सकता है तो मेरे घोंसले से क्या तकलीफ हो रही है ?
Him: हें यें हें हें यें यें
We were working in a telephone exchange. Loads of landline phones lying around. I ask a coal-league to give me “his” mobile phone.
Me:अपना फ़ोन देना.
That dude picks up a landline and holds it out
MS:पकढ़ ना !!
Me: ओये… मैंने तेरा फ़ोन मंगा है.
MS: मेरा फ़ोन??: ये मोबाइल होता है holding the landline) ओर ये फ़ोन तुझे जो चाहिए, वो बोल
Me: Deep Breaths. 1-2-4-9-6-8-3-……..
MS: (Smugly) समझ आया ??
Now it happened that me and my colleague (Zubair) were lazing in front of a road side tea stall.
I glance bhind his shoulder and see a truck coming in a zig-zag kind of way..like the driver is drunk
It comes closer and I see that its on fire. It was carrying hay and it caught fire somehow.
i start grinning ( :) and said “Us truck ko dekh”
He glances behind and nearly jumps out of his skin..”oye, us mein to aag lagee hai.
Me: – Yes
Zubair :- (In a panicky voice) Oye ..wo idhar hee aa raha hai
Me:- (Grinning even more) haan
In the meanwhile, 3-4 bales of hay fell down from the truck, partially blocking the road.
Zubair:- **&^%$$.. ye to khatarnaak (dangerous) ho gaya hai
Me: – haan haan
Now the truck was 40-50 metres away and trying to locate fire brigade people
It was on the first turn..but in panic driver missed the turn and started coming towards us as theree was a bit of ground to make a turn.
Zubair:- (Really scared) wo truck idhar hee aa raha hai
Me:- haan. aaag bhee barr gayee hai
Saale ko itnaa barra fire station nahi dikha.
Now the truck reached us and started to make the turn
Zubair- (In real panic)oye peeche ho !!
barra khatra hai yaar. Truck wala paagal ho gaya hai.
Me:- (I start laughing again)Saale kanhaa hogaa. Itnee jagah hai. morr lega wo truck
Zubair:- ***&^%$%$%&)(* barree heat nikal rahee hai
Somehow driver managed to loacte and take his truck into the fire station
Zubair: -Shukar hai pahunch gaya
ME:- he he. main soch raha tha..agar aag fuel tank tak pahunch jaatee to truck explode hota ya nahin
Zubair:- Ab to nahi hoone wala. Fire brigade waale paani fenk rahein hai uspar
Me:- Koi baat nahi. 1 aur aa raha hai waise hee condition mein
Zubair:- (Glances back and exclaims)..oye ek aur truck mein aag lagi hai yaar. Wo bhee idhar hee aa rahaa hai
Me: (grining) haan
But driver of that truck located the fire station quickly and took it there.
Zubair: – (looking releived)
Chal ab hum bhee chaalk kar dekh te hain
Zubair:- Abe chal na. chal ke dekhte hain..kaise aag bhujate hain
Me:- khote..kya hai dekhne waala isme??
Zubair:- chal na. chal na
Me:- *&*(&)(* acha acha
We spend nxt 20 minutes watching fire being put out
We were not alone..there was a sizeable crowd around. All morons like us gaping at firemen doing their work
After 20 minutes
Me:- Mujhe lagta hai…(:|) kee mujhe kaafi farak hai
Me:- wanhaa 2 truck mein aag lagee thee..aur main hans rahaa thaa
Zubair:- (thoughtful)..haan wo to hai he (shrug)