This is just copy-paste of my thread in and
Its nice :)
heres how it goes

I now know that board code doesnt work in Blogger :|. DOn’t expect me to fix it up
I just copied the code from those forums in editing mode.
If you want, look up the post in proper formatting in following 2 links;=viewtopic&t;=334&sid;=e0f785ef5d9b341efe054fb394bba3ee

Its been a long time. I’ve been thinking of starting a topic where only free software will be posted.
We need and use dozens of software. But not each one of them is free. Many are paid versions that need some serial, activation etc for full use.

That requires money. Since most of us don’t have that kind of money and still need to use the software, we use cracked versions. Many times, that causes virus, trojan attacks etc. Apart from that I feel its not fair on our part to deny programmers their due by stealing their hard work, when we have alternative.

Almost every paid software on this planet has some free alternative, that works as good if not better than the paid one. You can use it anyway you want without any need for serial, cracks whatever.
Sounds good! Doesn’t it?

So this thread deals with that need. Only top quality, free software will be posted. Enjoy

[b]Google Earth – 3D Earth browser
[i]Zoom from space to street level — tour the world
Find maps, driving directions, hotels, restaurants, and more

[/i][b]Picasa – Photo organizer
Find, edit, and share your photos in seconds
Easily remove red eye and fix photos

[/i][b]Google Photos Screensaver – Photo screensaver
Display photos from your PC and photo sharing sites
Watch cinematic slideshows

[b]Google Desktop – Desktop companion
Find all your email, files, web history, and more
Get all your personalized info in one place with Sidebar

[b]Google Toolbar for Internet Explorer – Search toolbar
Search from any web page and autofill forms
Block annoying pop-ups


[b]Mozilla Firefox with Google Toolbar – Web browser
Mozilla Corporation
Browse the web quickly and securely
Switch between pages quickly with tabbed browsing

[b]Adobe Reader – PDF reader
Adobe Systems
View, print, and search PDF files via a redesigned interface
Secure your documents and collaborate via online, real-time meetings

[b]Spyware Doctor Starter Edition – Antispyware utility
PC Tools
Detects and removes spyware, adware, trojans and keyloggers
Includes Smart Updates and scheduling to protect your PC

[b]Norton Security Scan – Security utility
Detects and eliminates viruses and internet worms
Free detection updates and scheduled scanning

Google Talk – Voice and IM application[/b]

Connect with your friends via IM or free voice calls
Send and receive files and voice messages easily and quickly

[b]RealPlayer – Media player
Play popular media formats, organize music and videos
Transfer music to iPod and other portable media players

GalleryPlayer HD Images – Images[/b]

High-quality artwork and photos
Perfect for your screensaver or desktop

[b]RealPlayer – Media player
Play popular media formats, organize music and videos
Transfer music to iPod and other portable media players

[b]GalleryPlayer HD Images – Images
High-quality artwork and photos
Perfect for your screensaver or desktop

[b]Skype – Voice, video and chat

Make free voice and video calls to anyone else on Skype
Call landlines and mobile phones at pretty low rates

[b]Google Video Player – Video player
Play videos purchased and downloaded through the Google Video website



Too download all or some of these, best speed and fully checked against virus and other malware..go to this link


Yeah..its [u]GOOGLE[/u] :D
And best of all, they are all free. you don’t have to pay a penny to either download or install them.

One of the best freeware antivirus solutions,[b] AVAST[/b] has been around since 1998. All you need to use this software is to provide a email address to get a key. After that, you can use it, update and upgrade to commercial version if you like.
avast! Home Edition is now free of charge for HOME users for NON-COMMERCIAL use. If you are not a home user, or you use your computer for profit, the avast! Home Edition is not licensed for such use, and you are asked to use the commercial version – avast! Professional Edition.

To use the Home Edition, you should register it, however, after initial installation you have 60 days to trial the product (as with all avast! antivirus products) before you must complete registration. The registration process is very easy, and will take you only a couple of minutes.

All the setup packages are in the form of self-extracting executables and are digitally signed by ALWIL Software.

[b]CNET 5 star rating[/b]
CNET has awarded avast! Home Edition the coveted five star rating.



[b] Gom Player[/b] is a FREE media player with popular audio & video codecs built-in.
No need to install codecs separately!
Try one of your broken AVI files or one of the files that is being downloaded with GOM.
[b]GOM Player Features[/b]

[b]Codec Finder[/b]
GOM Player includes many codecs (XviD, DivX, FLV1, AC3, OGG, MP4, H263 and more) so you won’t need to install separate codecs for most videos. For those videos that require a separate codec, GOM Player will find one and direct you to a place where you can download open source version of the codec. That way, you won’t get stuck with unnecessary codecs on your system.

[b]Play Broken AVI Files (Patented)[/b]
AVI files can’t be played if the index is broken, or the file isn’t completely downloaded. This is because index is located at the end of the file. GOM Player’s patented technology enables users to view files with broken index or that are still being downloaded.

[b]Powerful Subtitle Support[/b]
GOM Player supports SMI, SRT, RT, SUB(with IDX) files for subtitle. You can specify margin, location, size, resolution, font and others. You can also enable shadow, view ASF files with subtitle, karaoke subtitle mode. You can even synchronize subtitle and video if there’s any mismatch.

[b]Convenient Playlist[/b]
GOM Player supports playlist formats such as M3U, PLS, ASX. You can include different media types on a playlist. Also, it also lets you edit playlists for different media types. It’s easy to create and edit your own multimedia playlist with GOM Player.

[b]Support Different Media Types[/b]
Along with different media format such as AVI, MPG, MPEG and DAT, GOM Player also supports streaming Windows media format (WMV, ASF, ASX). You can also watch DVD-quality videos with 5.1 channel audio output.

[b]Screen Capture[/b]
Screen capture allows you to take a screenshot of your video directly from GOM Player. Using the Burst Capture feature, you can take continuous screenshots upto 999 shots.

[b]Advanced Features[/b]
There are other endless number of advanced features. Customize brightness, contrast and saturation. Sharpen and add noise to your video. Try audio equalizer. Repeat a section of your video with our A-B Repeat feature. Fast forward/rewind a few seconds using left/right keys. There are even more for you to discover!

[url=””][b]Gom Player[/b][/url]
[url=”;=dl&tag;=button”]Download Gomplayer (4.08 MB)[/url]

CCleaner is a [b]freeware[/b] system optimization and privacy tool. It removes unused files from your system – allowing Windows to run faster and freeing up valuable hard disk space. It also cleans traces of your online activities such as your Internet history. But the best part is that it’s fast (normally taking less than a second to run) and contains NO Spyware or Adware! :)

[b]Cleans the following[/b]

[b]Internet Explorer[/b]
Temporary files, URL history, cookies, Autocomplete form history, index.dat.
Temporary files, URL history, cookies, download history.
Temporary files, URL history, cookies.
Recycle Bin, Recent Documents, Temporary files and Log files.
[b]Registry cleaner[/b]
Advanced features to remove unused and old entries, including File Extensions, ActiveX Controls, ClassIDs, ProgIDs, Uninstallers, Shared DLLs, Fonts, Help Files, Application Paths, Icons, Invalid Shortcuts and more… also comes with a comprehensive backup feature.
[b]Third-party applications[/b]
Removes temp files and recent file lists (MRUs) from many apps including Media Player, eMule, Kazaa, Google Toolbar, Netscape, MS Office, Nero, Adobe Acrobat, WinRAR, WinAce, WinZip and many more…
[b]100% Spyware FREE[/b]
This software does NOT contain any Spyware, Adware or Viruses.

[url=””][b]Download CCleaner[/b] [b]1.39.502 (2.6MB)[/b][/url]

Paint.NET[/b] is image and photo manipulation software designed to be used on computers that run Windows XP or 2000.

Paint.NET is jointly developed at Washington State University with additional help from Microsoft, and is meant to be a free replacement for the MS Paint software that comes with all Windows operating systems.Paint.NET is a photo editor and manipulation software.

The programming language used to create Paint.NET is C#, with GDI+ extensions.

Paint.NET has many of the powerful features that expensive commercial applications have, including the ability to use layers.

This is the second semester that Paint.NET has been a project at Washington State University, and we have the goal of adding as much functionality as expensive commercial applications provide, but of course, for free!

In the spirit of all this freedom, we welcome any suggestions, as well as provide the source code free of charge for anyone who wishes to tinker with it.

[b]Here are some key features of “Paint NET”:[/b]

[b]· Simple, intuitive user interface[/b]
Every feature and user interface element was designed to be immediately intuitive and quickly learnable without assistance. It is also designed to be immediately familiar to users of the original MS Paint software that comes with Windows.

[b]· Layers[/b]
Usually only found on expensive or complicated professional software, layers form the basis for a rich image composition experience. You may think of them as a stack of transparency slides that, when viewed together at the same time, form one image.

[b]· Powerful Tools[/b]
Paint.NET includes simple tools for drawing shapes, including an easy-to-use curve tool for drawing splines or Bezier curves. The Gradient tool, new for 3.0, has been cited as a huge improvement over similar tools provided by other software. The facilities for creating and working with selections is powerful, yet still simple enough to be picked up quickly. Other powerful tools include the Magic Wand for selecting regions of similar color, and the Clone Stamp for copying or erasing portions of an image. There is also a simple text editor, a tool for zooming, and a Recolor tool.

[b]· Unlimited History[/b]
Everybody makes mistakes, and everybody changes their mind. To accommodate this, every action you perform on an image is recorded in the History window and may be undone. Once you’ve undone an action, you can also redo it. The length of the history is only limited by available disk space.

[b]· Special Effects[/b]
Many special effects are included for perfecting your images. Everything from blurring, sharpening, red-eye removal, distortion, noise, and embossing are included. Also included is our unique 3D Rotate/Zoom effect that makes it very easy to add perspective and tilting.

Adjustments are also included which help you tweak an image’s brightness, contrast, hue, saturation, curves, and levels. You can also convert an image to black and white, or sepia-toned.

[b]· Open Source and Free[/b]
Paint.NET is provided free-of-charge, and the source code (all 133,000 lines of it) is also available for free under generous licensing terms. The bulk of Paint.NET is written in C#, with only a small amount of code related to setup and shell-integration written in C++




Here is my contribution::

It covers all the softwares that you will ever need and its all free….that’s the way to go. And yes there are alternatives to all of them with detailed explanation. One of the best recognized site.


[code][/code] 46-103

1 Best Free Web Browser
2 Best Free Anti-Virus Software
3 Best Free Adware/Spyware/Scumware Remover
4 Best Free Browser Protection Utility
5 Best Free Firewall
6 Best Free Trojan Scanner/Trojan Remover
7 Best Free Rootkit Scanner/Remover
8 Best Free Intrusion Detection Utility
9 Best Free Anonymous Surfing Service
10 Best Free Software Suite
11 Best Free File Manager
12 Best Free Email Client
13 Best Free Web Mail Accessory
14 Best Free Clipboard Replacement Utility
15 Best Free HTML Editor
16 Best Free Spam Filter for the Average User
17 Best Free Spam Filter for Experienced Users
18 Best Free Popup Stopper
19 Best Free Desktop Search Utility
20 Best Free Digital Image Viewer
21 Best Free Digital Editor
22 Best Free Digital Photo Organizer
23 Best Free Notepad Replacement
24 Best File Archiver/Zip Utility
25 Best Free Hotkey Utility
26 Best Free Registry Cleaner
27 Best Free BitTorrent Client
28 Best Free FTP Client
29 Best Free Bookmark Cleaner
30 Best Free Folder Synchronization Utility
31 Best Free Screen Capture Utility
32 Best Free Search Toolbar
33 Best Free Download Manager
34 Best Free Web Site Ripper
35 Best Free Download/Upload Meter
36 Best Free TCP Settings Tweaker
37 Best Free File Cleaner
38 Best Free Resource Meter
39 Best Free Sticky Notes Utility
40 Best Free Secure Erase Utility
41 Best Free Registry Editor
42 Best Free Process Viewer
43 Best Free System Information Utility
44 Best Free Search and Replace Utility
45 Best Free Outliner

[url=””] 46-103 [/url]

46 Best Free Rename Utility
47 Best Free Digital Image Stitcher
48 Best Free PDF Writer
49 Best Free File Comparison Utility
50 Best Free Paint Program
51 Best Free Time Correction Utility
52 Best Free Startup Manager
53 Best Free Wi-Fi Network Finder Utility
54 Best Free NFO Viewer
55 Best Free Data Recovery Utility
56 Best Free Remote Access Software
57 Best Free PIM
58 Best Free Windows Driver Backup
59 Best Free Program Un-installer
60 Best Free Internet Accelerator
61 Best Free Windows Toolbar Backup
62 Best Free Encryption Utility for Personal Use
63 Best Free CD Catalogue Organizer
64 Best Free File Encryption Utility
65 Best Free Drive Encryption Utility
66 Best Free Non-Adobe PDF Reader
67 Best Free Disk De-fragmenter
68 Best Free Dictionary/Thesaurus Utility
69 Best Free Spell-Checker
70 Best Free Audio Editing Software
71 Best Free Web Form Filler/Password Manager
72 Best Free File Un-delete Utility
73 Best Free Outlook Express Backup
74 Best Free Outlook Add-in
75 Best Free Timesheet Program
76 Best Free CD Recovery Utility
77 Best Free Application Minimizer
78 Best Free Parental Filter
79 Best Free Route Tracer
80 Best Free Browser Scrubber
81 Best Free Instant Messaging Client
82 Best Free Video Editor
83 Best Free CD Ripper
84 Best Free Video Conversion Program
85 Best Free Reminder/To-Do Program
86 Best Free CD Burning Software
87 Best Free Notes Organizer
88 Best Free Virtual Desktop Manager
89 Best Free Duplicate File Detector
90 Best Free Program Launcher
91 Best Free Streaming Media Recorder
92 Best Free Backup Program
93 Best Homebrew Beer Software
94 Best Free Boilerplate Text Manager
95 Best Free Drive Imaging Program
96 Best Free RSS Reader/Aggregator
97 Best Free Project Manager
98 Best Free Memory Testing Utility
99 Best Free Software Cataloging Utility
100 Best Free Web Site Link Checker
101 Best Free Internet Business Guide
102 Best Free Program Scheduler
103 Best Free Tray Clock Replacement


[b]Thumbnail preview sofware: Visual Tooltip and Visual Task Tips[/b]
Visual Task Tips[/b]


Visual Task Tips is a lightweight shell enhancement utility. It provides thumbnail preview image for each task in the Windows Taskbar, as seen in the upcoming Microsoft Windows Vista.
[b] Simple[/b]

Visual Task Tips is a simple utility. Just download and install it.
[b] Useful[/b]

By using Visual Task Tips you can significantly increase your productivity.
[b] Free[/b]

Visual Task Tips is absolutely free for non-commercial use.

NOTE: Windows XP is required to run Visual Task Tips.
Version: 2.1
[url=””]More Information[/url]

[b]Visual Tooltip
[/b] Visual Tooltip makes it possible to show a thumbnail of a window by putting the mouse cursor over a button of the taskbar


The thumbnails can be moved anywhere on the desktop


The thumbnails can be added in a “dock bar”


The thumbnails can have various rotations ( from 0 to 80 degree ) ( CTRL
key + mouse move on dock or on thumbnails, without clicking )


The dock bar can accept all window’s thumbnails.
The tray icons can be added automatically.
The dock bar can replace the taskbar.


Then, add your shortcut to the dock.


[i][b]Windows XP/Vista only
[/b][/i][i][b]Version 2.2
[u][url=””]More Information[/url][/u]


Now this is the [i]PHOTOSHOP[/i] of open source software.
[b]GIMP[/b] is the [b]GNU Image Manipulation Program[/b]. It is a freely distributed piece of software for such tasks as photo retouching, image composition and image authoring. It works on many operating systems, in many languages.
It works on Winows, Unix, Linux and Mac OS too. ;)

From  now on, you can kiss your bloated installation of photoshop and cracks for main program and all the associated plugins good bye.
Its worth a shot folks. Try it.

GIMP for Windows[/u]


GIMP 2.2.14 is now available at[code][/code]. You may want to read the Release Notes for GIMP 2.2.

GAP (the GIMP Animation Package) for 2.2 is available at [code][/code]

GIMP Freetype for 2.0 is available at [code][/code]

GIMP help files are available at[code][/code]

GIMP Perl for 2.0 is available at [code][/code]


IrfanView is a very fast, small, compact and innovative FREEWARE (for non-commercial use) graphic viewer for Windows 9x/ME/NT/2000/XP/2003/Vista.

It is trying to be simple for beginners and powerful for professionals.

IrfanView is trying to create new and/or interesting features in its own way, unlike some other graphic viewers, whose whole “creativity” is based on feature cloning, stealing of ideas and whole dialogs from ACDSee and/or IrfanView! (for example: XnView has been stealing/cloning features and whole dialogs from IrfanView, for 7+ years).

IrfanView was the first Windows graphic viewer WORLDWIDE with Multiple (animated) GIF support.
One of the first graphic viewers WORLDWIDE with Multipage TIF support.
The first graphic viewer WORLDWIDE with Multiple ICO support.

[u]Some IrfanView features:[/u][/b][i][b]

[i]Many supported file formats (click here the list of formats)
Multi language support
Thumbnail/preview option
Toolbar skins option
Slideshow (save slideshow as EXE/SCR or burn it to CD)
Show EXIF/IPTC/Comment text in Slideshow/Fullscreen etc.
Support for Adobe Photoshop Filters
Fast directory view (moving through directory)
Batch conversion (with image processing)
Multipage TIF editing
File search
Email option
Multimedia player
Print option
Change color depth
Scan (batch scan) support
IPTC editing
Effects (Sharpen, Blur, Adobe 8BF, Filter Factory, Filters Unlimited, etc.)
Extract icons from EXE/DLL/ICLs
Lossless JPG rotation
Many hotkeys
Many command line options
Many PlugIns
Only one EXE-File, no DLLs, no Shareware messages like “I Agree” or “Evaluation expired”
No registry changes without user action/permission!
and much much more[/i]





The Ultimate CD/DVD and BD/HD DVD data recovery software !
Rescue lost files from a bad or trashed CD or DVD or a Blu Ray disc (e.g. BD or HD DVD) ! Save important documents, precious pictures or video from the family, your only system backup, …
IsoBuster can do it all !

One tool, supporting all formats, for only one very democratic price.

No accumulated cost if you need more than one type media supported. IsoBuster is a highly specialized yet easy to use optical media data recovery tool. It supports all optical disc formats and all common optical disc file-systems. Start up IsoBuster, Insert a disc, select the drive (if not selected already) and let IsoBuster mount the media. IsoBuster immediately shows you all the tracks and sessions located on the media, combined with all file-systems that are present. This way you get easy access, just like explorer, to all the files and folders per file-system. Instead of being limited to one file-system that the OS picks for you, you have access to “the complete picture”. Access data from older sessions, access data that your OS (e.g. Windows) does not see or hides from you etc.



[/color][/size][color=”#000080″][size=4]WordWeb is a quick and powerful international English thesaurus and dictionary for Windows. It can be used to look up words from almost any program, showing definitions, synonyms and related words. It includes pronunciations and usage examples, and has helpful spelling and sounds-like links.

Wordweb is a feature rich software that does much more that a paper dictionary or thesaurus. WordWeb is truly a Word Web – each set of synonyms is linked to other related sets. Look up “tree”, click on the “Types” tab and you’ll have a list of different types of tree. Click on “Part of” and WordWeb will tell you that a tree can be part of a “forest” or “wood”.[/size][/color][size=4][color=”#808000″]




 [/color][/size][/u][/b] :rolleyes: [b][u][size=4][color=”#808000″]


[b][u]EVIl Lyrics[/u][/b]

[b]Automatically searches
for lyrics as your song is
played in your player

:: searches over 15,000,000 lyrics »»
:: karaoke: create & share timestamps »»
:: stores lyrics for offline viewing»»
:: translates lyrics
:: allows searching for guitar chords,
     AMG profiles, album covers arts, posters etc.
:: Only 800 kB installation file[/b]


Real Player



[i][b]Bloodshed Dev-C++ is a full-featured Integrated Development Environment (IDE) for the C/C++ programming language. It uses Mingw port of GCC (GNU Compiler Collection) as it’s compiler. Dev-C++ can also be used in combination with Cygwin or any other GCC based compiler.
[u][i]Features are :[/i][/u]

[i]- Support GCC-based compilers
– Integrated debugging (using GDB)
– Project Manager
– Customizable syntax highlighting editor
– Class Browser
– Code Completion
– Function listing
– Profiling support
– Quickly create Windows, console, static libraries and DLLs
– Support of templates for creating your own project types
– Makefile creation
– Edit and compile Resource files
– Tool Manager
– Print s[u][/u]upport
– Find and replace facilities
– CVS support
[i][u]Source code[/u] : [/i]Delphi 6 Source code of Dev-C++ is available for free under the GNU General Public License (GPL)

[b][u]Authors[/u] :[/b] Colin Laplace, Mike Berg, Hongli Lai : Development
Mingw compiler: Mumit Khan, Jan Jaap van der Heidjen, Colin Hendrix and GNU coders.

[b][u]System : [/u][/b]Windows 95/98/NT/2000/XP
Status [/b][/u]: Free Software (under the GNU General Public License)


Dev-C++ 5.0 beta 9.2 ( (9.0 MB) with Mingw/GCC 3.4.2
Dev-C++ version, includes full Mingw compiler system with GCC 3.4.2 and GDB 5.2.1[/b]


[b]Dev-C++ 5.0 beta 9.2 (, executable only (2.4 MB)
Dev-C++ version, without Mingw compiler system and GDB. Get this one if you already have a previous Dev-C++ beta or already a compiler.[/b]

[b]Dev-C++ 5.0 beta 9.2 (, source code (1.6 MB)
Dev-C++ version source code for Delphi.[/b]


[b]DAEMON Tools is an advanced application for Microsoft Windows which provides THE best optical media emulation in the industry.DAEMON Tools enabling you to use your CD/DVD images as if they were already burned to CD/DVD.
!! THIS VERSION SUPPORTS 32BIT OS (Microsoft Windows XP, Windows2003, Windows 2000, VISTA) ONLY !!

DAEMON Tools is a virtual cd/dvd-rom emulator and is able to emulate nearly all known copy protections on the market today.

The application mounts ISO images to a virtual drive without having to burn them to a CD.

It is a further development of Generic Safedisc emulator and incorporates all its features. This program allows running Backup Copies of SafeDisc (C-Dilla), Securom, Laserlock, CDCOPS, StarForce and Protect CD (and many others) protected games. Daemon Tools also includes a Virtual DVDROM drive (Generic DVD-ROM) enabling you to use your CD images as if they were already burned to CD. DAEMON Tools works under Windows9x/ME/NT/2000/XP with all types of CD/DVDROM drives (IDE/SCSI) and supports nearly any CD protection.

DAEMON Tools supports the following image files:
ccd (CloneCD)
bwt (Blindwrite)
mds (Media Descriptor File)
cdi (Discjuggler)
nrg (Nero)
pdi (Instant CD/DVD)
b5t (BlindWrite 5)

[i]This version has an option to install client-side software applications (DAEMON Tools Searchbar and Save Now) that deliver a limited number of behaviorally targeted and contextually relevant coupons, ads and comparative shopping results directly to consumers desktops – without compromising the privacy, security or smooth functioning of peoples computers! No URL hijacking or redirects! In order to support FREE distribution of DAEMON Tools we highly encourage you at least to try out this optional software! (you can remove it anytime later when you wish: via Control Panel-> Add/Remove Programs)[/i]

[i][b]MD5-Checksum: 473C6FC92E4FEEDDB691ECED0DDF4BE2





[b]64 Bit Version





2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th posts were by John Cena and Knight in Chillstation

I’ll update this post whenever I add more stuff there.

60th Independence Day of my country coming up. I’ve lived through 22 . This somehow feels special. Its only symbolic, but still, sometimes symbols are what people need.
Millions of people fought for freeing the country, nobody knows how many people fought, died, were tortured, imprisoned. 
1000s of soldiers died and undergo great hardships for perserving that freedom.
My heart-felt thanks to all of them
India is slowly but steadily claiming her rightful place. Inspite of all the challanges, we are making good progress. 

I feel happy, optimistic and proud. :)

(If there are spelling mistakes, guess the closest word possible. I don’t use any spell check and am in hurry, so thats all you gonna get)

I finished reading latest book in Harry Potter series a few day ago.
Now call me sexist, male chauvinist or whatever, I really beleive female authors suck.

Now, just for record, I aint no fucking male chauvinist. I hate all machismo and all that stuff. So spare me abuse related to that
I respect women and I don’t consider them inferror in any way.
I RESPECT them. I really do.
(By the way, if you still think am sexist, go fuck yourself)

But female authors suck.
They really do
Agatha Christie, Ayn Rand, J.K. Rowling aand a few thriller writers; these form majority of female authors that I’ve ever read…and they all suck
Suck bigtime

Am talking about Harry Potter right now.

Disclaimer: This text may contain spoilers about last about Harry Potter series, Dont read if you dont want any info in advance

Harry Potter lives.
That aint so bad.
But the thing is that he died. He really did. And he had no business coming back to life
He was just another Horocrux. He was just destroyed. HY DID HE CAME BACK TO LIFE???
He had no possible reason.
But trust female mind, theres LOVE, that conquers all
Fuck the world
There aint any thing called love

The book would have been great if Harry Potter had died

It’d have been great too, if he had lived, but not in this manner
This looks like lifted staright out of some Bollywood Movie.
Considering the no. of Non Resident Indians in UK and US, it aint impossible that Rowling had her brain fucked up by all that Bollywood crap.
Simple thing is that; It’d have been better, if Harry died; going by the plot in last chapters. But he lived due to very stupid reasons. It seems like Rowling bowed to demands of genral publin in this case and found some lame reason for Potter to live at last moment.

Well, I could go on and on and on and on.
But I’d leave that to intelligence of the reader.
Its not that I trust it(intelligence), but still……..
There are still some fre intelligent people that I know

Now, since am on it, lets analyse Ayn Rand.I’ve been reading Fountainhead.


This aint no novel
No story

Characters are like 3 feet tall guys with 6 feet tall heads.
They have brains..loads of it.. but ZERO intelligence.
Roark, hes a genious…but stupid

Geniuses are ridiculed, scoffed at and lots of nasty things happen to them before rest of stupid population realises its inferiority. But still, Roark, He isnt posssible
Neither are rest of the characters

Even if ROark is possible, the story aint.

I’ve read more than half of the story and am so sick of it, I’m searching for excuses to not to read it any further

Heroine gets raped, and she likes it.

Damn it..deviant sexuality, go enjoy it if you like it, but don’t bother me with it

Some good folks offer hero some million dollar kinda project and just “request” the architect some minor addition that’ll make the building look more contemporary. Architect whos really bankrupts chooses to starve rather that add something that his clients “requested”

That’d still be digested if it wasnt for the trial.
I lost all patience after that

Fuck the world who says Ayn is a genius

Shes just a modern artist

You just try to find meanings in the so called arts when there isnt any

People are just stupid


damn her too
Half of her stories were full of explanations about curtains and whether the print matched with bedsheeets ir not
Absolutely unrelated to story

Her heros/heroines..

An elederly woman defeats villain just by syringes full of pesticide.
Fuck her too!!!

Poriot(whatever) was one of the least credible detectives .


Finish this crap
Am getting angry


You see, I have all the talents of being a really big, ultrapowerful evil overlord. But all evil dudes get defeated sooner or later. Every great guy failed due to some simple mistake…
But I know everything…

Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well,
there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However
every Evil Overlord I’ve read about in books or seen in movies
invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I’ve noticed that
no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad
scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic
mistakes every single time. With that in mind, allow me to present…

The Top 231 Things I’d Do
If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass
visors, not face-concealing ones.

2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not
kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on
the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the
Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same
applies to the object which is my one weakness.

6. I will not gloat over my enemies’ predicament before killing them.
7. When I’ve captured my adversary and he says, “Look, before you
kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?” I’ll
say, “No.” and shoot him. No, on second thought I’ll shoot him
then say “No.”

8. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married
immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in
three weeks’ time during which the final phase of my plan will be
carried out.

9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely
necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button
labelled “Danger: Do Not Push”. The big red button marked “Do Not
Push” will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid
enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not
clearly be labelled as such.

10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum — a small
hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.

11. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need
to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my
weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

12. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any
flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before

13. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several
rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the
bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as
any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the
aforementioned disposal.

14. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any
other form of last request.

15. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find
that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to
activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting
his plan into operation.

16. I will never utter the sentence “But before I kill you, there’s
just one thing I want to know.”

17. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to
their advice.

18. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned
attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal
distraction at a crucial point in time.

19. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was
evil, but one look at the hero’s rugged countenance and she’d
betray her own father.

20. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in
maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it’s too easy to miss
unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could
adjust to accordingly.

21. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original
uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap
knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman
footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually
defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.

22. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I
will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.

23. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my
troops in their use. That way — even if the heroes manage to
neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue
energy weapons useless — my troops will not be overrun by a
handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

24. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and
weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job,
at least I will never utter the line “No, this cannot be! I AM
INVINCIBLE!!!” (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)

25. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any
sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for
one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.

26. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are,
there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate
to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a
prisoner sent to my bedchamber.

27. I will never build only one of anything important. All important
systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For
the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded
weapons at all times.

28. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot
escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.

29. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies
into confusion.

30. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and
cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My
foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no
source of comic relief.

31. All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with
surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected
reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his

32. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad
news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are
hard to come by.

33. I won’t require high-ranking female members of my organization to
wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more
casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black
leather will be reserved for formal occasions.

34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

35. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look
diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of
Generation X.

36. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell
block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I
will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of
handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.

37. If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing
a battle, I will believe him. After all, he’s my trusted

38. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring
anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately,
instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of
vengeance towards me in my old age.

39. If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride
at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my
opposite number among his army.

40. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an
unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as
possible instead of keeping it in reserve.

41. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky
time-travel devices.

42. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog,
monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable
of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.

43. I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the
beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and
good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her
in on my plans.

44. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who
work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even
the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.

45. I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is
responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my
general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say
“And here is the price for failure,” then suddenly turn and kill
some random underling.

46. If an advisor says to me “My liege, he is but one man. What can
one man possibly do?”, I will reply “This.” and kill the advisor.

47. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I
will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting
for him to mature.

48. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology
with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it
will not immediately come after me for revenge.

49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy
me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will
send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in
the local paper.

50. My main computers will have their own special operating system
that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and
Macintosh powerbooks.

51. If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the
conditions in the beautiful princess’ cell, I will immediately
transfer him to a less people-oriented position.

52. I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to
examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and
abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.

53. If the beautiful princess that I capture says “I’ll never marry
you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!”, I will say “Oh well” and
kill her.

54. I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to
double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.

55. The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place
in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on
important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will
first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would
attract less attention.

56. My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any
who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be
used for target practice.

57. Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will
carefully read the owner’s manual.

58. If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose
dramatically and toss off a one-liner.

59. I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.
60. My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any
code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30
seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to

61. If my advisors ask “Why are you risking everything on such a mad
scheme?”, I will not proceed until I have a response that
satisfies them.

62. I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding
structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a

63. Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors.
And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames
going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.

64. I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely
unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to
be a disadvantage.

65. If I must have computer systems with publically available
terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room
clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the
Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as
Sewage Overflow Containment.

66. My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone
who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad
for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating
that sequence will trigger the alarm system.

67. No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be
instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a
full-scale emergency.

68. I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This
is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the
offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again,
they’d better save my life again.

69. All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be
delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in
foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures
of the wild.

70. When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always
travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if
one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other
will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of
quizzically peering around a corner.

71. If I decide to test a lieutenant’s loyalty and see if he/she
should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of
marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.

72. If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device
and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon
instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.

73. I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged
contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for
them to win.

74. When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so
that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I
will not label the disk “Project Overlord” and leave it lying on
top of my desk.

75. I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse,
instead of standing around waiting while members break off and
attack one or two at a time.

76. If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and
struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will
also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a
rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth

77. If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero
the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutentant, I will
retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant
is out of earshot before making the offer.

78. I will not tell my Legions of Terror “And he must be taken alive!”
The command will be “And try to take him alive if it is reasonably

79. If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as
soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into
limited-edition commemorative coins.

80. If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my
best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger
ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.

81. If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have
disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind
me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically
turning around to find out what he saw.

82. I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in
front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous,
unbalanced structure.

83. If I’m eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then
have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks
for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to
switch with him.

84. I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the
opposite sex.

85. I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly
complicated, e.g. “Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred
altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse.”
Instead it will be more along the lines of “Push the button.”

86. I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and
properly grounded.

87. My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use.
Also, I will not construct walkways above them.

88. If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate
them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task

89. After I captures the hero’s superweapon, I will not immediately
disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever
holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the
weapon and I took it from him.

90. I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation
is facing away from the door.

91. I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and
obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current

entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.
92. If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him.
Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new
insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me
alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return
to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in
this regard.)

93. If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an
underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the
hero is scheduled to go first.

94. When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop
and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.

95. My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with
bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate
tells the guard it’s an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma
team instead of opening up the cell for a look.

96. My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control
panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel
on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.

97. My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain
reflective surfaces or anything that can be unravelled.

98. If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully
monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and
affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have
forced them together against their will and they spend all their
time bickering and criticizing each other except during the
intermittent occasions when they are saving each others’ lives at
which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately
order their execution.

99. Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in

100. Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless
trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet

101. I will not order my trusted lieutenant to kill the infant who is
destined to overthrow me — I’ll do it myself.

102. I will not waste time making my enemy’s death look like an
accident — I’m not accountable to anyone and my other enemies
wouldn’t believe it.

103. I will make it clear that I do know the meaning of the word
“mercy”; I simply choose not show them any.

104. My undercover agents will not have tattoos identifying them as
members of my organization, nor will they be required to wear
military boots or adhere to any other dress codes.

105. I will design all doomsday machines myself. If I must hire a mad
scientist to assist me, I will make sure that he is sufficiently
twisted to never regret his evil ways and seek to undo the damage
he’s caused.

106. If my supreme command center comes under attack, I will
immediately flee to safety in my prepared escape pod and direct
the defenses from there. I will not wait until the troops break
into my inner sanctum to attempt this.

107. Even though I don’t really care because I plan on living forever,
I will hire engineers who are able to build me a fortress sturdy
enough that, if I am slain, it won’t tumble to the ground for no
good structural reason.

108. Any and all magic and/or technology that can miraculously
resurrect a secondary character who has given up his/her life
through self sacrifice will be outlawed and destroyed.

109. I will see to it that plucky young lads/lasses in strange clothes
and with the accent of an outlander shall REGULARLY climb some
monument in the main square of my capital and denounce me, claim
to know the secret of my power, rally the masses to rebellion,
etc. That way, the citizens will be jaded in case the real thing
ever comes along.

110. I will not employ devious schemes that involve the hero’s party
getting into my inner sanctum before the trap is sprung.

111. I will offer oracles the choice of working exclusively for me or
being executed.

112. I will not rely entirely upon “totally reliable” spells that can
be neutralized by relatively inconspicuous talismans.

113. I will make the main entrance to my fortress standard-sized.
While elaborate 60-foot high double-doors definitely impress the
masses, they are hard to close quickly in an emergency.

114. I will never accept a challenge from the hero.

115. I will not engage an enemy single-handedly until all my soldiers
are dead.

116. If I capture the hero’s starship, I will keep it in the landing
bay with the ramp down, only a few token guards on duty and a ton
of explosives set to go off as soon as it clears the blast-range.

117. No matter how much I want revenge, I will never order an
underling “Leave him. He’s mine!”

118. If I have equipment which performs an important function, it will
not be activated by a lever that someone could trigger by
accidentally falling on when fatally wounded.

119. I will not attempt to kill the hero by placing a venomous
creature in his room. It will just wind up accidentally killing
one of my clumsy henchmen instead.

120. Since nothing is more irritating than a hero defeating you with
basic math skills, all of my personal weapons will be modified to
fire one more shot than the standard issue.

121. If I come into possession of an artifact which can only be used
by the pure of heart, I will not attempt to use it regardless.

122. The gun turrets on my fortress will not rotate enough so that
they may direct fire inward or at each other.

123. If I decide to hold a contest of skill open to the general
public, contestants will be required to remove their hooded cloaks
and shave their beards before entering.

124. Prior to kidnapping an older male scientist and forcing him to
work for me, I will investigate his offspring and make sure that
he has neither a beautiful but naive daughter who is willing to
risk anything to get him back, nor an estranged son who works in
the same field but had a falling-out with his father many years

125. Should I actually decide to kill the hero in an elaborate
escape-proof deathtrap room (water filling up, sand pouring down,
walls converging, etc.) I will not leave him alone five-to-ten
minutes prior to “imminent” death, but will instead (finding a
vantage point or monitoring camera) stick around and enjoy
watching my adversary’s demise.

126. Rather than having only one secret escape pod, which the hero can
easily spot and follow, I’ll simultaneously launch a few dozen
decoys to throw him off track.

127. Prison guards will have their own cantina featuring a wide
variety of tasty treats that will deliver snacks to the guards
while on duty. The guards will also be informed that accepting
food or drink from any other source will result in execution.

128. I will not employ robots as agents of destruction if there is any
possible way that they can be re-programmed or if their battery
packs are externally mounted and easily removable.

129. Despite the delicious irony, I will not force two heroes to fight
each other in the arena.

130. All members of my Legions of Terror will have professionally
tailored uniforms. If the hero knocks a soldier unconscious and
steals the uniform, the poor fit will give him away.

131. I will never place the key to a cell just out of a prisoner’s

132. Before appointing someone as my trusted lieutenant, I will
conduct a thorough background investigation and security

133. If I find my beautiful consort with access to my fortress has
been associating with the hero, I’ll have her executed. It’s
regrettable, but new consorts are easier to get than new
fortresses and maybe the next one will pay attention at the
orientation meeting.

134. If I am escaping in a large truck and the hero is pursuing me in
a small Italian sports car, I will not wait for the hero to pull
up along side of me and try to force him off the road as he
attempts to climb aboard. Instead I will slam on the brakes when
he’s directly behind me. (A rudimentary knowledge of physics can
prove quite useful.)

135. My doomsday machine will have a highly-advanced technological
device called a capacitor in case someone inconveniently pulls the
plug at the last second. (If I have access to REALLY advanced
technology, I will include a back-up device known as a battery.)

136. If I build a bomb, I will simply remember which wire to cut if it
has to be deactivated and make every wire red.

137. Before spending available funds on giant gargoyles, gothic
arches, or other cosmetically intimidating pieces of architecture,
I will see if there are any valid military expenditures that could
use the extra budget.

138. The passageways to and within my domain will be well-lit with
fluorescent lighting. Regrettably, the spooky atmosphere will be
lost, but my security patrols will be more effective.

139. If I’m sitting in my camp, hear a twig snap, start to
investigate, then encounter a small woodland creature, I will send
out some scouts anyway just to be on the safe side. (If they
disappear into the foliage, I will not send out another patrol; I
will break out the napalm.)

140. I will instruct my guards when checking a cell that appears empty
to look for the chamber pot. If the chamber pot is still there,
then the prisoner has escaped and they may enter and search for
clues. If the chamber pot is not there, then either the prisoner
is perched above the lintel waiting to strike them with it or else
he decided to take it as a souvenir (in which case he is obviously
deeply disturbed and poses no threat). Either way, there’s no
point in entering.

141. As an alternative to not having children, I will have lots of
children. My sons will be too busy jockeying for position to ever
be a real threat, and the daughters will all sabotage each other’s
attempts to win the hero.

142. If I have children and subsequently grandchildren, I will keep my
three-year-old granddaughter near me at all times. When the hero
enters to kill me, I will ask him to first explain to her why it
is necessary to kill her beloved grandpa. When the hero launches
into an explanation of morality way over her head, that will be
her cue to pull the lever and send him into the pit of crocodiles.
After all, small children like crocodiles almost as much as Evil
Overlords and it’s important to spend quality time with the

143. If one of my daughters actually manages to win the hero and
openly defies me, I will congratulate her on her choice, declare a
national holiday to celebrate the wedding, and proclaim the hero
my heir. This will probably be enough to break up the
relationship. If not, at least I am assured that no hero will
attack my Legions of Terror when they are holding a parade in his

144. I will order my guards to stand in a line when they shoot at the
hero so he cannot duck and have them accidentally shoot each
other. Also, I will order some to aim above, below, and to the
sides so he cannot jump out of the way.

145. My dungeon cell decor will not feature exposed pipes. While they
add to the gloomy atmosphere, they are good conductors of
vibrations and a lot of prisoners know Morse code.

146. If my surveillance reports any un-manned or seemingly innocent
ships found where they are not supposed to be, they will be
immediately vaporized instead of brought in for salvage.

147. I will classify my lieutenants in three categories: untrusted,
trusted, and completely trusted. Promotion to the third category
will be awarded posthumously.

148. Before ridiculing my enemies for wasting time on a device to stop
me that couldn’t possibly work, I will first acquire a copy of the
schematics and make sure that in fact it couldn’t possibly work.

149. Ropes supporting various fixtures will not be tied next to open
windows or staircases, and chandeliers will be hung way at the top
of the ceiling.

150. I will provide funding and research to develop tactical and
strategic weapons covering a full range of needs so my choices are
not limited to “hand to hand combat with swords” and “blow up the

151. I will not set myself up as a god. That perilous position is
reserved for my trusted lieutenant.

152. I will instruct my fashion designer that when it comes to
accessorizing, second-chance body armor goes well with every

153. My Legions of Terror will be an equal-opportunity employer.
Conversely, when it is prophesied that no man can defeat me, I
will keep in mind the increasing number of non-traditional gender

154. I will instruct my Legions of Terror in proper search techniques.
In particular, if they are searching for escapees and someone
shouts, “Quick! They went that way!”, they must first ascertain
the identity of this helpful informant before dashing off in hot

155. If I know of any heroes in the land, I will not under any
circumstance kill their mentors, teachers, and/or best friends.
156. If I have the hero and his party trapped, I will not wait until
my Superweapon charges to finish them off if more conventional
means are available.

157. Whenever plans are drawn up that include a time-table, I’ll
post-date the completion 3 days after it’s actually scheduled to
occur and not worry too much if they get stolen.

158. I will exchange the labels on my folder of top-secret plans and
my folder of family recipes. Imagine the hero’s surprise when he
decodes the stolen plans and finds instructions for Grandma’s
Potato Salad.

159. If I burst into rebel headquarters and find it deserted except
for an odd, blinking device, I will not walk up and investigate;
I’ll run like hell.

160. Before being accepted into my Legions of Terror, potential
recruits will have to pass peripheral vision and hearing tests,
and be able to recognize the sound of a pebble thrown to distract

161. I will occasionally vary my daily routine and not live my life in
a rut. For example, I will not always take a swig of wine or ring
a giant gong before finishing off my enemy.

162. If I steal something very important to the hero, I will not put
it on public display.

163. When planning an expedition, I will choose a route for my forces
that does not go through thick, leafy terrain conveniently located
near the rebel camp.

164. I will hire one hopelessly stupid and incompetent lieutenant, but
make sure that he is full of misinformation when I send him to
capture the hero.

165. As an equal-opportunity employer, I will have several
hearing-impaired body-guards. That way if I wish to speak
confidentially with someone, I’ll just turn my back so the guards
can’t read my lips instead of sending all of them out of the room.

166. If the rebels manage to trick me, I will make a note of what they
did so that I do not keep falling for the same trick over and over

167. If I am recruiting to find someone to run my computer systems,
and my choice is between the brilliant programmer who’s head of
the world’s largest international technology conglomerate and an
obnoxious 15-year-old dork who’s trying to impress his dream girl,
I’ll take the brat and let the hero get stuck with the genius.

168. I will plan in advance what to do with each of my enemies if they
are captured. That way, I will never have to order someone to be
tied up while I decide his fate.

169. If I have massive computer systems, I will take at least as many
precautions as a small business and include things such as
virus-scans and firewalls.

170. I will be an equal-opportunity despot and make sure that terror
and oppression is distributed fairly, not just against one
particular group that will form the core of a rebellion.

171. I will not locate a base in a volcano, cave, or any other
location where it would be ridiculously easy to bypass security by
rapelling down from above.

172. I will allow guards to operate under a flexible work schedule.
That way if one is feeling sleepy, he can call for a replacement,
punch out, take a nap, and come back refreshed and alert to finish
out his shift.

173. Although it would provide amusement, I will not confess to the
hero’s rival that I was the one who committed the heinous act for
which he blames the hero.

174. If I am dangling over a precipice and the hero reaches his hand
down to me, I will not attempt to pull him down with me. I will
allow him to rescue me, thank him properly, then return to the
safety of my fortress and order his execution.

175. I will have my fortress exorcized regularly. Although ghosts in
the dungeon provide an appropriate atmosphere, they tend to
provide valuable information once placated.

176. I will add indelible dye to the moat. It won’t stop anyone from
swimming across, but even dim-witted guards should be able to
figure out when someone has entered in this fashion.

177. If a scientist with a beautiful and unmarried daughter refuses to
work for me, I will not hold her hostage. Instead, I will offer to
pay for her future wedding and her children’s college tuition.

178. If I have the hero cornered and am about to finish him off and he
says “Look out behind you!!” I will not laugh and say “You don’t
expect me to fall for that old trick, do you?” Instead I will take
a step to the side and half turn. That way I can still keep my
weapon trained on the hero, I can scan the area behind me, and if
anything was heading for me it will now be heading for him.

179. I will not outsource core functions.

180. If I ever build a device to transfer the hero’s energy into me, I
will make sure it cannot operate in reverse.

181. I will decree that all hay be shipped in tightly-packed bales.
Any wagonload of loose hay attempting to pass through a checkpoint
will be set on fire.

182. I will not hold any sort of public celebration within my castle
walls. Any event open to members of the public will be held down
the road in the festival pavilion.

183. Before using any device which transfers energy directly into my
body, I will install a surge suppressor.

184. I will hire a drama coach. The hero will think it must be a case
of mistaken identity when confronted by my Minnesota accent (if
everyone sounds American) or my Cornwall accent (if everyone
sounds British).

185. If I capture an enemy known for escaping via ingenious and
fantastic little gadgets, I will order a full cavity search and
confiscate all personal items before throwing him in my dungeon.

186. I will not devise any scheme in which Part A consists of tricking
the hero into unwittingly helping me and Part B consists of
laughing at him then leaving him to his own devices.

187. I will not hold lavish banquets in the middle of a famine. The
good PR among the guests doesn’t make up for the bad PR among the

188. I will funnel some of my ill-gotten gains into urban renewal
projects. Although slums add a quaint and picturesque quality to
any city, they too often contain unexpected allies for heroes.

189. I will never tell the hero “Yes I was the one who did it, but
you’ll never be able to prove it to that incompetent old fool.”
Chances are, that incompetant old fool is standing behind the

190. If my mad scientist/wizard tells me he has almost perfected my
Superweapon but it still needs more testing, I will wait for him
to complete the tests. No one ever conquered the world using a
beta version.

191. I will not appoint a relative to my staff of advisors. Not only
is nepotism the cause of most breakdowns in policy, but it also
causes trouble with the EEOC.

192. If I appoint someone as my consort, I will not subsequently
inform her that she is being replaced by a younger, more
attractive woman.

193. If I am using the hero’s girlfriend as a hostage and am holding
her at the point of imminent death when confronting the hero, I
will focus on her and not him. He won’t try anything with his true
love held hostage. On the other hand, the fact that she has been
weak, slow-witted, naive and generally useless up to this point
has no bearing on her actions at the moment of dramatic climax.

194. I will make several ludicrously erroneous maps to secret passages
in my fortress and hire travellers to entrust them to aged

195. I will not use hostages as bait in a trap. Unless you’re going to
use them for negotiation or as human shields, there’s no point in
taking them.

196. I will hire an expert marksman to stand by the entrance to my
fortress. His job will be to shoot anyone who rides up to
challenge me.

197. I will explain to my Legions of Terror that guns are ranged
weapons and swords are not. Anyone who attempts to throw a sword
at the hero or club him with a gun will be summarily executed.

198. I will remember that any vulnerabilities I have are to be
revealed strictly on a need-to-know basis. I will also remember
that no one needs to know.

199. I will not make alliances with those more powerful than myself.
Such a person would only double-cross me in my moment of glory. I
will make alliances with those less powerful than myself. I will
then double-cross them in their moment of glory.

200. During times of peace, my Legions of Terror will not be permitted
to lie around drinking mead and eating roast boar. Instead they
will be required to obey my dietician and my aerobics instructor.

201. All giant serpents acting as guardians in underground lakes will
be fitted with sports goggles to prevent eye injuries.

202. All crones with the ability to prophesy will be given free
facelifts, permanents, manicures, and Donna Karan wardrobes. That
should pretty well destroy their credibility.

203. I will not employ an evil wizard if he has a sleazy mustache.

204. I will hire an entire squad of blind guards. Not only is this in
keeping with my status as an equal opportunity employer, but it
will come in handy when the hero becomes invisible or douses my
only light source.

205. All repair work will be done by an in-house maintenance staff.
Any alleged “repairmen” who show up at the fortress will be
escorted to the dungeon.

206. When my Legions of Terror park their vehicle to do reconnaissance
on foot, they will be instructed to employ The Club.

207. Employees will have conjugal visit trailers which they may use
provided they call in a replacement and sign out on the timesheet.
Given this, anyone caught making out in a closet while leaving
their station unmonitored will be shot.

208. Members of my Legion of Terror will attend seminars on
Sensitivity Training. It’s good public relations for them to be
kind and courteous to the general population when not actively
engaged in sowing chaos and destruction.

209. I will not, under any circumstances, marry a woman I know to be a
faithless, conniving, back-stabbing witch simply because I am
absolutely desperate to perpetuate my family line. Of course, we
can still date.

210. All guest-quarters will be bugged and monitored so that I can
keep track of what the visitors I have for some reason allowed to
roam about my fortress are actually plotting.

211. If my chief engineer displeases me, he will be shot, not
imprisoned in the dungeon or beyond the traps he helped design.

212. I will not send out batalions composed wholly of robots or
skeletons against heroes who have qualms about killing living

213. I will not wear long, heavy cloaks. While they certainly make a
bold fashion statement, they have an annoying tendency to get
caught in doors or tripped over during an escape.

214. If a malignant being demands a sacrificial victim have a
particular quality, I will check to make sure said victim has this
quality immediately before the sacrifice and not rely on earlier
results. (Especially if the quality is virginity and the victim is
the hero’s girlfriend.)

215. If I ever MUST put a digital timer on my doomsday device, I will
buy one free from quantum mechanical anomalies. So many brands on
the market keep perfectly good time while you’re looking at them,
but whenever you turn away for a couple minutes then turn back,
you find that the countdown has progressed by only a few seconds.

216. If my Legions of Terror are defeated in a battle, I will quietly
withdraw and regroup instead of launching a haphazard mission to
assassinate the hero.

217. If I’m wearing the key to the hero’s shackles around my neck and
his former girlfriend now volunteers to become my mistress and we
are all alone in my bedchamber on my bed and she offers me a
goblet of wine, I will politely decline the offer.

218. I will not pick up a glowing ancient artifact and shout “It’s
power is now mine!!!” Instead I will grab some tongs, transfer it
to a hazardous materials container, and transport it back to my
lab for study.

219. I will be selective in the hiring of assassins. Anyone who
attempt to strike down the hero the first instant his back is
turned will not even be considered for the job.

220. Whatever my one vulnerability is, I will fake a different one.
For example, ordering all mirrors removed from the palace,
screaming and flinching whenever someone accidentally holds up a
mirror, etc. In the climax when the hero whips out a mirror and
thrusts it at my face, my reaction will be “Hmm…I think I need a

221. My force-field generators will be located inside the shield they

222. I reserve the right to execute any henchmen who appear to be a
little too intelligent, powerful, or devious. However if I do so,
I will not at some subsequent point shout “Why am I surrounded by
these incompetent fools?!”

223. I will install a fire extinguisher in every room — three, if the
room contains vital equipment or volatile chemicals.

224. I will build machines which simply fail when overloaded, rather
than wipe out all nearby henchmen in an explosion or worse yet set
off a chain reaction. I will do this by using devices known as
“surge protectors”.

225. I will explain to my guards that most people have their eyes in
the front of their heads and thus while searching for someone it
makes little sense to draw a weapon and slowly back down the

226. I will have a staff of competent detectives handy. If I learn
that someone in a certain village is plotting against me, I will
have them find out who rather than wipe out the entire village in
a preemptive strike.

227. I will never bait a trap with genuine bait.

228. If the hero claims he wishes to confess in public or to me
personally, I will remind him that a notarized deposition will
serve just as well.

229. If I have several diabolical schemes to destroy the hero, I will
set all of them in motion at once rather than wait for them to
fail and launch them successively.

230. I will not procrastinate regarding any ritual granting

231. Mythical guardians will be instructed to ask visitors name,
purpose of visit, and whether they have an appointment instead of
ancient riddles.