One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way.

The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.

At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway.

The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.

Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.

When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne.

Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: “You know, one of these days the passengers aren’t going to scream, and we aren’t going to know when to take off!”

Types of girlfriends


1) Ms. Nice Gal – “Tickets to the boxing match? Oh Darling, you shouldn’t have”
Also known as: What a gal, precious, one of the boys, my main squeeze, doormat
Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly
Disadvantages: May wise up someday

2) Old Yeller – “You god-damned spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of a bitch! Can’t you see you’re making me miserable??”
Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from Hell
Advantages: Pays attention to you
Disadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pans

3) Sickly – “Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite”
Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, Glumpy
Advantages: Predictable
Disadvantages: Contagious

4) The Bosser – “Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Don’t give me that look.”
Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and Chain, yes Mom
Advantages: Often right
Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?

5) Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied – “I just can’t decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, and hair color?”
Also known as: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw c’mon Honey
Advantages: Easily soothed
Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed

6) Wild Woman out of Control – “I’ve got an idea. Lez get drunk an’ make love onna front lawn. I done it before. S’fun.”
Also known as: Fast girl, freewheeler, goodtime charleena, passed out
Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys
Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs

7) Huffy – “I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at”
Also known as: No fun, humorless prig, Cold fish, Chilly proposition, iceberg, Snarly
Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you
Disadvantages: You will have no friends

8) Woman from Mars – “I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship”
Also known as: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic
Advantages: Entertaining, unfathomable
Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud

9) Ms. Dreamgirl – “I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I think we must make love like crazed weasels now”
Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous
Advantages: Funny, intelligent uninhibited
Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you.

How different professionals have sex

ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures.

ACTORS do it on cue.

ADVERTISERS use the “new, improved” method.

AMBULANCE DRIVERS come quicker.

ANSI does it in the standard way

ARCHEOLOGISTS like it old.

ARCHITECTS have great plans.

ARTISTS are exhibitionists.

ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it over and over.

ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus.

ATTORNEYS make better motions.

AUDITORS like to examine figures.

BABYSITTERS charge by the hour.

BAILIFFS always come to order.

BAKERS knead it daily.

BAND MEMBERS play all night.

BANKERS do it with interest – penalty for early withdrawal.

BARBERS do it with shear pleasure.

BARTENDERS do it on the rocks.

BASEBALL PLAYERS make it to first base.

BASKETBALL PLAYERS score more often.

BEEKEEPERS like to eat their honey.

BEER BREWERS do it with more hops.

BEER DRINKERS get more head.

BICYCLISTS do it with 10 speeds.

BOOKKEEPERS do it with double entry.

BOSSES delegate the task to others.

BOWLERS have bigger balls.

BRICKLAYERS lay all day.

BRIDGE PLAYERS try to get a rubber.

BUS DRIVERS come early and pull out on time.

BUTCHERS have better meat.

C’Bers do it on the air.

CAMPERS do it in a tent.

CARPENTERS hammer it harder.

CARPET LAYERS do it on the floor.

CHEERLEADERS do it with more enthusiasm.

CHEMISTS like to experiment.

CHESS PLAYERS check their mates.

CHIROPRACTORS do it by manipulation.

CLOCK MAKERS do it mechanically.

CLOWNS do it for laughs.

COACHES whistle while they work.

COBOL PROGRAMMERS do it with bugs.

COCKTAIL WAITRESSES serve highballs.

COMPUTER GAME PLAYERS just can’t stop.

COMPUTER OPERATORS get the most out of their software.

CONSTRUCTION WORKERS lay a better foundation.

CONSULTANTS tell other how to do it.

COPS have bigger guns.

COWBOYS handle anything horny.

COWGIRLS like to ride bareback.

CRANE OPERATORS have swinging balls.

CREDIT MANAGERS always collect.

DANCERS do it in leaps and bounds.

DEADHEADS do it with Jerry.

DEER HUNTERS will do anything for a buck.

DENTAL HYGIENISTS do it till it hurts.

DENTISTS do it in your mouth.

DETECTIVES do it under cover.

DIETICIANS eat better.

DIRECT MAILERS get it in the sack.

DIVERS do it deeper.

DOCTORS do it with patience.

DRUGGISTS fill your prescription.

DRUMMERS do it in 4/4 time.

DRY WALLER’S are better bangers.

ELECTRICIANS check your shorts.

ENGINEERS charge by the hour.

EXECUTIVES have large staffs.

FARMERS spread it around.

FIREMEN are always in heat.

FISHERMEN are proud of their rods.

FOOTBALL PLAYERS are measured by the yard.

FOUR-WHEELERS eat more bush.

FURRIERS appreciate good beaver.

GARBAGE MEN come once a week.

GARDENERS have 50 foot hoses.

GAS STATION ATTENDANTS pump all day.

GEOLOGISTS are great explorers.

GOLFERS do it in 18 holes.

GYMNASTS mount and dismount well.

HACKERS do it with fewer instructions.

HAIRDRESSERS give the best blow jobs.

HAM OPERATORS do it with frequency.

HANDYMEN like good screws.

HEWLETT PACKARD does it with precision.

HORSEBACK RIDERS stay in the saddle longer.

HUNTERS do it with a bang.

INSURANCE SALESMEN are premium lovers.

INTERIOR DECORATORS do it all over the house.

INVENTORS find a way.

JANITORS clean up afterwards.

JEWELERS mount real gems.

JOGGERS do it on the run.

LANDSCAPERS plant it deeper.

LAWYERS do it in their briefs.

LIBRARIANS do it quietly.

LOCKSMITHS can get into anything.

LONG DISTANCE RUNNERS last longer.

MACHINISTS make the best screws.

MAGICIANS are quicker than the eye.

MAINTENANCE MEN sweep ’em off their feet.

MANAGERS supervise others.

MARKETING REPs do it on commission.

MILKMEN deliver twice a week.

MILLIONAIRES pay to have it done.

MINERS sink deeper shafts.

MINISTERS do it on Sundays.

MISSILE MEN have better thrust.

MODELS do it in any position.

MODEM MANUFACTURERS do it with all sorts of characters.

MOTORCYCLISTS like something hot between their legs.

MOVIE STARS do it on film.

MUSICIANS do it with rhythm.

NONSMOKERS do it without huffing and puffing.

NURSES call the shots.

OCEANOGRAPHERS do it down under.

OPERATORS do it person-to-person.

OPTOMETRISTS do it face-to-face.

PAINTERS do it with longer strokes.

PARAMEDICS PHOTOGRAPHERS do it with a flash.

PHYSICISTS do it with uniform harmonic motion.

PILOTS keep it up longer.

PLUMBERS do it under the sink.

POLICEMEN like big busts.

POLITICIANS do it for 4 years then have to get re-erected.

POSTMEN come slower.

PRINTERS do it without wrinkling the sheets.

PRINTERS reproduce the fastest.

PROCTOLOGISTS do it in the end.

PROFESSORS do it by the book.

RACERS like to come in first.

RACQUETBALL PLAYERS do it off the wall..

RADIO and TV ANNOUNCERS broadcast it.

REAL ESTATE PEOPLE know all the prime spots.

RECYCLERS use it again.

REPAIRMEN can fix anything.

REPORTERS do it daily.

RESEARCHERS are still looking for it.

RETAILERS move their merchandise.

ROOFERS do it on top.

RUNNERS get into more pants.

SAILORS like to be blown.

SALESPEOPLE have away with their tongues.

SCIENTISTS discovered it.

SECRETARIES do it from 9 to 5.

SKYDIVERS are good till the last drop.

SOCCER PLAYERS have leather balls.

SPEECH PATHOLOGISTS are oral specialists.

SPELUNKERS do it underground.

SPORTSCASTERS like an instant replay.

STEWARDESSES do it in the air.

STUDENTS use their heads.

SURGEONS are smooth operators.

TAILORS make it fit.

TAXI DRIVERS do it all over town.

TAXIDERMISTS mount anything.

TELEPHONE CO. EMPLOYEES let their fingers do the walking.

TELLERS can handle all deposits and withdrawals.

TENNIS PLAYERS have fuzzy balls.

TRUCK DRIVERS have bigger dipsticks.

TRUCKERS carry bigger loads.

TYPISTS do it in triplicate.

VETERINARIANS are pussy lovers.

VOLLEYBALL PLAYERS keep it up.

WAITRESSES serve it piping hot.

WATER SKIERS come down harder.

WELDERS have hotter rods.

WRESTLERS know the best holds.

WRITERS have novel ways.

ZOOLOGISTS do it with animal instinct.

Watched Chak De today.

Without any doubt, its one of the best movies to hit the big screen in recent times.
One of the very few Indian movies that I liked. Truly the best…in every way imaginable.
Story, acting, message, dialogue, emotions, pace..everything is top-notch.

Rest of this post will contain spoilers about the movie, so in case you haven’t watched the movie yet, get your lazy ass off chair, bed whatever and go and watch that movie. Its the best that you’ll ever get from bollywood. Period.
Go go.

 The main reason for liking this movie is its very nice way of presenting all the intended messages, emotions etc. to the viewrs.
 Nationalism, girl power, male chauvinism, bureaucratic crap, personal egos, …everything that this movie potrays is the best that you’ll ever see.
No chest thumping patriotism, no”naari-shakti” lectures, nothing…nothing stupid.
Still, the message is very clear.
Every actor gives his/her 100% in this movie
Shahrukh KHan is superb… so is the rest of the cast.

HOCKEY TEAM IN THE MOVIE

I’d give this movie 5 points out of 5..but I think it’ll have to do with 4 and a half
2 reasons

1)Soundtrack isnt very good
I mean its OK, good in parts but just about average

2) Manipuri girls    :*)
The best looking lot in the movie, theres too litttle of them. :(


These are the girls am talking about. :)

One bad thing happene though..only time National Anthem was played in the movie…nobody stood up except a handful.

A&^%$$$^%&*
CH*&*(&
M*(&*(^(&*^%#$
B*&^*&^%%^
(*&^%^&%^&%$$#

You’d think its Independence Day..atleast they’ll show some respect, but no.
They kept shouting, whisteling through out the movie but nobody bothered to stand up to their National Anthem
Idiots
:x

this fucking moronic population deserves to be shot in the ass

Details about the movie

Heres the text from Wikipedia

The Film is loosely based on true story of Indian Hockey player Mir Ranjan Negi. Negi was the unfortunate goalkeeper of the Indian Hockey Team which lost 7-1 to Pakistan in Asian Games Hockey Final, back in 1982. Though the loss was engineered by faults of the entire team, Negi the goalkeeper was dubbed the villain, and was even tagged as a traitor. Such accuasations brought about an untimely End of Negi’s international career. Negi redeemed his lost glory 16 years later, when he coached the Indian Men’s Hockey team in Bangkok Asian Games 1998, where the team fetched Gold medal. He replicated the success with Indian Women’s Hockey Team as well in Manchester Commonwealth Games of 2002. Mir Ranjan Negi was hired as the Technical Advisor by Aditya Chopra. Shamita Shetty’s name features in the opening credits of the film. She trained both Shah Rukh and the female actors who portrayed Hockey players. Shah Rukh Khan plays the role of coach Kabir Khan, who guides the Indian Women’s Hockey Team to win Hockey World Championship.

The film starts with a Hockey match. Captain Kabir Khan (Shahrukh Khan) misses a goal at the end of the match which causes the team to lose the game. The Indian media make out that Kabir Khan was responsible. Seven years later, Kabir returns with a proposal to coach the Indian Women’s Hockey team. The Hockey Association members re-buff his proposal and declare that they will not help him in his cause. Kabir takes the challenge and goes to the National Hockey Camp where he is introduced to the 16 young girls who played for their respective states. Kabir starts coaching them with a dream that the team will win the Hockey World Cup for India and he will finally be free of any conviction put against him.

Some members of the team resent him but he finally gets through to them. The team rally and convince the Association to go for the World Cup held in Australia who also happen to be the defending champions. In their first match, they lose to the defending champions but slowly the team grow momentum and start winning matches. Finally the team gets to the final and they beat Australia in a tie-breaker.

The players and Kabir are ecstatic at their victory and are welcomed back as heroes. More importantly, Kabir returns to his home after seven years where the residents greet him with love and affection.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chak_De_India

 This is the original stuff, this movie is based upon

Manchester, August 3
Capping their giant-killing spree, India overcame a stiff resistance from England in a high-tension final here today to win their first-ever gold medal in the women’s hockey at the Commonwealth Games.

The 3-2 victory came via the golden goal when the livewire forward Mamata Kharab struck in the dying moments of the first half of extra-time after both sides were locked 2-2 in regulation time.

This was the second golden goal victory for the Indians in this competition after their dramatic 4-3 victory against South Africa in the play-off for the semi-finals.

This match too had its share of drama as the golden goal, off a penalty corner, was initially disallowed by referee Ashton Lucy of Australia on the grounds that it was scored after the hooter for the end of the first half of extra time went off.

But the decision was changed after discussions between the two field umpires who ruled that the ball had not gone out of the circle after the penalty corner was taken and according to rules play was still on even after the end of time.

Though England dominated the initial stages of the first half, India shot into the lead against the run of play when Mamata Kharab scored off a penalty corner in the 21st minute. Sita Gossain made it 2-0 nine minutes later.

England fought back in the dying moments of the first half and reduced the margin just a minute before the breather through a controversial field goal by skipper Sarah Blanks.

ORIGINAL INDIAN WOMEN’S HOCKEY TEAM CELEBRATING AFTER THEIR WIN

http://www.tribuneindia.com/2002/20020804/sports.htm#14

Its a boring world we live in. Everythings is cut, dried and packaged for mass consumption.People get born, grow up and die.Spend 1st 15 – 20 years studying, then find job, business whatever, fall in love, get married, have kid(s), raise them , grow old and one day die. SOmetimes you die earlier or the stuff has minor variations but its more or less same everywhere. 
Its been happening since..well..its the stuff that happens. But the time between getting born and dying couldnt be more boring.
We have fast cars, planes, rockets, internet, phones, cameras, billions of books, music, movies, more food than we can eat, …etc etc..everything. Life is good, safe and clean. (Not for everybody, but everybody aspires to have that)
You live in cearly defined boundaries(more or less), know and abide by rules, get ruled by certain people, crib about it sometimes, make some noises and move on to do just what everybody is doing..live

But its not what I’d say fun or satisfying. May be its satisfying to some people…being cozy, safe and warm. It can be pleasurable…indeed it is pleasurable, bit how can you enjoy it if its all thurst upon you?

Living in a cocoon, abiding by rules that somebody else thought are good for you,(not saying go break rules for fun). Feeling delirious with fervour if some leader says, you have to fight for your country, religion and whatever stuff that gets you charged up. Everything is so predictable.

Even your passion is controlled by men in power. People are supposed to live like sheep, some guard dogs to put them in order and protect them from harm, and a shepherd to guide them. Sheep is harvested for wool and meat and it clothes and feeds its masters. Sheep don’t have any mind of their own and they’d run off a cliff, walk meekily to slaughter.
It all depends on the whims of their master.
Since time immemorial people have been like that and will always be like that. A few strong men rule the stupid mob. Everybody is happy to be sheep as long as they are safe.

 Why cant there be more adventure ?
1000s of unknown planets to explore, great missions to be accomplished, doing things that’ll be unique and worthwhile…..I know, I know, its childish….but normal existence is tooo boring.

Many people have these kind of fantasies, but more often that not, they limit it to war heroics, religious extremism(bull shit) etc etc.
 Earlier explorers like Livingstone, Columbus and countless others who dedicated thier lives to discover new horizons. There was suspense and a sense of expectation.
Now that feeling is missing. theres nothing on earth that hasnt been visited by man , well may be except for a few oceanic trenches.
Humanity hasnt set its foot upon any other planet yet and its unlikely to happen in my life span atleast.
Nothing else???
:|

Why cant life be like story books
. Something like Lord of the Rings,(just an example) some adventure to be had, hazard, pain, courage, love, fear, anger, joy, exultation, wonder, new discoveries..feeling everything as much as its possible…Being involved in something worthwhile and either finish it and exult in joy of something really glorious well done or to die accomplshing it. Both scenarios good enough, eh??

But this world isn’t like that. Theres still a lot of stuff to be done, but nothing like above.
I can’t be an great big evil overlord any more than anybody else being a ultra nobel, powerful good looking hero/heroine

 :P
:P
Damn, its childish
:-*>
Who cares!!!

Nuke all who disgaree…na wait..let them be.just make them follow the herd.

Damn… I talk like I have everything …

sigh

lifes unfair..another reason to say this  ;)

Duran Duran sang in Ordinary World ::

Came in from a rainy Thursday on the avenue thought I heard you talking softly
I turned on the lights the TV and the radio but still I can’t escape the ghost of you
What is happening to me crazy some would say
Where is the life that I recognize, gone away

And I won’t cry for yesterday there’s an ordinary world somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way to the ordinary world I will learn to survive

Passion or coincidence once prompted you to say pride will tear us both apart
Well now pride’s gone out the window cross the rooftops runaway
Left me in the vaccuum of my heart
What is happening to me crazy some will say where is my friend when I need you most gone away

But I won’t cry for yesterday there’s an ordinary world somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way to the ordinary world I will learn to survive

Fuck it tooo…why survive in this ordinary world..
You all know how it ends..don’t you ;)

(If there are spelling mistakes, guess the closest word possible. I don’t use any spell check and am in hurry, so thats all you gonna get)

I finished reading latest book in Harry Potter series a few day ago.
Now call me sexist, male chauvinist or whatever, I really beleive female authors suck.

Now, just for record, I aint no fucking male chauvinist. I hate all machismo and all that stuff. So spare me abuse related to that
I respect women and I don’t consider them inferror in any way.
I RESPECT them. I really do.
(By the way, if you still think am sexist, go fuck yourself)

But female authors suck.
They really do
Agatha Christie, Ayn Rand, J.K. Rowling aand a few thriller writers; these form majority of female authors that I’ve ever read…and they all suck
Suck bigtime

Am talking about Harry Potter right now.

Disclaimer: This text may contain spoilers about last about Harry Potter series, Dont read if you dont want any info in advance

Harry Potter lives.
That aint so bad.
But the thing is that he died. He really did. And he had no business coming back to life
He was just another Horocrux. He was just destroyed. HY DID HE CAME BACK TO LIFE???
He had no possible reason.
But trust female mind, theres LOVE, that conquers all
Fuck the world
and FUCK THE LOVE
There aint any thing called love

The book would have been great if Harry Potter had died

It’d have been great too, if he had lived, but not in this manner
This looks like lifted staright out of some Bollywood Movie.
Considering the no. of Non Resident Indians in UK and US, it aint impossible that Rowling had her brain fucked up by all that Bollywood crap.
Simple thing is that; It’d have been better, if Harry died; going by the plot in last chapters. But he lived due to very stupid reasons. It seems like Rowling bowed to demands of genral publin in this case and found some lame reason for Potter to live at last moment.

Well, I could go on and on and on and on.
But I’d leave that to intelligence of the reader.
Its not that I trust it(intelligence), but still……..
There are still some fre intelligent people that I know

Now, since am on it, lets analyse Ayn Rand.I’ve been reading Fountainhead.

WHAT THE FUCK

This aint no novel
No story
NOTHING

Characters are like 3 feet tall guys with 6 feet tall heads.
They have brains..loads of it.. but ZERO intelligence.
Roark, hes a genious…but stupid

Geniuses are ridiculed, scoffed at and lots of nasty things happen to them before rest of stupid population realises its inferiority. But still, Roark, He isnt posssible
Neither are rest of the characters

Even if ROark is possible, the story aint.

I’ve read more than half of the story and am so sick of it, I’m searching for excuses to not to read it any further

Heroine gets raped, and she likes it.

Damn it..deviant sexuality, go enjoy it if you like it, but don’t bother me with it

Some good folks offer hero some million dollar kinda project and just “request” the architect some minor addition that’ll make the building look more contemporary. Architect whos really bankrupts chooses to starve rather that add something that his clients “requested”
crap

That’d still be digested if it wasnt for the trial.
I lost all patience after that

Fuck the world who says Ayn is a genius

Shes just a modern artist

You just try to find meanings in the so called arts when there isnt any

People are just stupid

FUCK THEM.

Christie..
damn her too
Half of her stories were full of explanations about curtains and whether the print matched with bedsheeets ir not
Absolutely unrelated to story

Her heros/heroines..

An elederly woman defeats villain just by syringes full of pesticide.
Fuck her too!!!

Poriot(whatever) was one of the least credible detectives .

Crap

Finish this crap
Am getting angry

:o